A Gifting Exercise

I first experienced this gifting exercise as a participant in a workshop with its creator, Charles Eisenstein. His goals for doing the exercise with us were:

• Create a sense of intimacy among a group of mostly strangers
• Make us realize how attuned we are to seeing people's flaws and faults (especially our own)
• Show us that everyone has an innate ability to see the gifts and talents that others have been blessed with
• Convince us that we could get better at it, and make it our default behavior

I later adapted this exercise for use with student groups, or even at professional, or academic conferences. To the above goals, I added some introductory assumptions for participants:

1. Everyone has gifts
2. Unlocking potential means allowing people to hone and practice their gifts
3. People are not likely to do this unless they feel safe

In order to run the exercise, everyone in the room should find a partner, someone they do not know, or at least someone they do not know well. The exercise consists of four rounds in which the two people in each group take turns listening and speaking. In each round, each person speaks for two minutes while the other person really actively listens to what they have to say. If the participants feel comfortable with this, it is more powerful if they look into each other's eyes, and even if each person puts their right hand on the other's left shoulder. During the four rounds, the speakers answer these four questions or prompts:

1. What do you think your gifts are?
2. What is preventing you from using your gifts?
3. Tell a story about a time you used your gifts and they were well-received by another.
4. Tell your partner what gifts that you perceive them to have that they have NOT mentioned yet.

It is quite common for people to be left speechless by this exercise. It's as if they discovered a well of empathy that they never knew existed.

This is a fantastic exercise with which to begin a semester or a day-long workshop, or any other group activity that requires collaboration and sharing. It creates a wonderful sense of intimacy and being in a "safe space."

Benton, M. C. 2015. The Source of Innovation: Empathy, Gifts, & the 10 Principles. ASQ Innovation Division Conference, Charlottesville, VA, 2015 Sep 18-20. (download slides)